How to Get Out of the Friend Zone and Never Be in it Again

The friend zone is awful. I've never been through the entire region, but I've visited some of its islands. In the past I have gotten to a friend zone island when I have tried to accomplish too much with someone who I thought was too attractive for me

So for me personally I usually survive the initial stages of getting phone numbers and going out on dates, but I've occasionally choked when everything is about to go my way. Both situations are kind of like opposite coins of the same problem.

My problem was sometimes knowing what to do with the success I had and feeling confident enough to do it. A person in the traditional friend zone just happens to choke earlier. What I've come to learn is that you have to always act strong or remove yourself from the situation.

You define your place and value by how you act. From experience, it's much easier to succeed when you act on or above her level.

You cannot allow these women to have that type of power by taking away from your power. If you're the guy looking for scraps that is exactly what you'll get. If you're the guy looking for everything you just might get it. Just because you happen to want it all, does not mean that you will get it. She almost certainly knows already that you want her or would be with her.

The problem is the way you are acting. You have to get angry enough where you're willing to put your wants ahead of her wants. THAT is what will make her be attracted to you. It shows that youi're valuable and someone that is worth being with.

Until you enforce that line you'll be in the dog house with almost every woman.

Now you'll probably use the excuse that you don't want to hurt your "friendship" with her. What you're really saying is that you hope the right situation comes up where something magically happens.

It doesn't work that way. The only thing that will work is telling the truth. See up until this point you have been lying to her. When you tell her that you want to hang out with her as friends you aren't really being honest. She also knows you're not being honest. She's fine with being your friend because she assumes your defining your place in comparison to her value. She doesn't see herself with you because it's obvious to her that you don't think you're good enough to be with her. Of course, all of these opinions are almost always subjective. She only has a general idea of what is valuable but that value can be changed by how you act. Look at the rapper 'Biggy Smalls'. In his songs he was constantly talking about women he slept with. He obviously wasn't Brad Pitt in the looks category. He defined a new reality by creating a new truth for himself and women found that attractive.

It's your lack of honesty that really is the problem. Your honest emotions are that you want her very badly. What's dishonest is how much you really value her looks in comparison to how the rest of men in society rationally value them. You're in awe of her as a person because of her looks. Her looks are making you value her personality. You're overvaluing the personality because you're afraid to value the looks because you're insecure about your own looks. This distortion keeps you safe but is essentially phony.

The good news is that the decision in her mind is almost never absolute until you tell the truth. Telling the truth is the only thing that will make her attracted to you. Of course in your situation you've missed all the beginning steps. In a normal boyfriend/girlfriend situation the steps are almost always linear. Which simply means you do things that indicate a linear and continuing non - friendship progression.

Here's a typical order.

1. Get a phone number

2. Go out on a date (after talking on the phone and establishing clear interest. paying compliments and such that show your interest in how she looks which indicates sexual attraction)

3. Kiss (probably at the end of the first or second date. again a clear linear path)

4. Sex/Marriage(depending on religion of course. typically though the physicality of the relationship escalates in some form or manner and you'll refer to each other as boyfriend or girlfriend)

It's going to be very difficult to have the type of result you want because of how much times it's probably been. You're way outside of that typical progression. You're probably even angry that she hasn't figured out how much you like her. She already knows how much you like her. It's just not her problem that you refuse to tell her. She'll be your friend and whatnot but she's never going to give you what you want.

Even when you tell her the truth she is going to reject you. Almost a 100 percent of the time. The reason is because you've been kissing her ass this entire time so that you can hopefully get at her body. So what is the solution?

A Progression of Telling the Truth (have to act like it's new even if it isn't)

1. Physical appearance compliments to the point where she notices them

2. Conflict (start disagreeing with her when you actually disagree with her)

3. Talk about other women like she talks about other guys(find a new love interest)

4. Lower the amount of time spent with her unless it's alone exclusively with her

5. Improve your looks to the best they can be. Cut your nails, get in shape, dress better. Make huge changes that she notices.

6. Very Important: Change the conditions entirely of how you'll spend time with her and the activities within those conditions. For example:

Friend Zone: Hey Lauren. I'm going up to the casino on Friday. I'm probably going with Jeff. Maybe if you want to bring a friend or whatever we could meet you up there. Or me and Jeff could pick you guys up at your house and drive down there. Whatever you want to do.

Guy Trying to Get out of Friend Zone: Hey Lauren. I'm thinking about going to the casino on Friday. I want you to go with me. Are you free on Friday?

Guy Who is Exciting to a Woman: Lauren whats up cutie. Hey listen I'm going to the casino Friday. I'm thinking about staying up there. How about we get some drinks on Friday and then crash there?

7. Tell her how you feel about her. If you get an answer that she's not interested, stop calling her entirely. Then make a pledge to never get in the friend zone again.

You can continue to do what you are doing now and there is almost a zero chance that things will change. Even though it feels like you have something right now, you really don't. If she was really someone you wanted to be friends with you wouldn't even care that you were in the friend zone. So somewhere conflict has to happen for something to change. You're either going to lose her to another guy or by asserting your value, which one do you want it to be?